November 16-20 is Anti-Bullying Week...
I stood out by the portable, as were the rest of my classmates, waiting for the teacher to come back from lunch so we can get back to our schoolwork. It was 1993... I was 9, soon to be 10, and in the fourth grade. Then, out of nowhere, I heard someone pipe up with the same malicious taunt I had grown all too accustommed to...
"You are gay."
They say that kids can be cruel. I think that it's partially true. Only partially. Some kids are cruel by nature. Others, however, are guided by their environment. Some are given no other recourse but to bully, others merely fall into pack mentality. That's what it was on that day, as many of the other students soon joined in the taunt, turning one person's hateful comment into a rousing chorus. As these people... my classmates... continued taunting, I could feel my eyes start to sting as tears came from them. Hoping for some refuge, those classmates of mine who weren't involved in the taunting turned away, fearful at becoming the victim of the herd's taunts. I still don't know what motivated them... malicious hate, boredom, a dwindling self-esteem needing a boost...
We've all heard the saying "Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me". Well, I disagree. There is just far too much evidence now in this world to indicate that the power of words runs far deeper than any superficial, physical wound can. It's emotional torment... psychological terrorism... that often embeds itself in our minds. It leaves our mental health suspect, ravaged by the effects of a severely damaged sense of self-worth, and plagues us with other issues. I know this because I myself did experience many of these issues. The people in my fourth grade class who would unleash their taunts at me worked to build up a wall inside my mind so that, whenever someone was nice to me, I would immediately become guarded, thinking it was a matter of time before they, too, would turn against me. They left me with an innate fear of rejection... after all, who would ever want to go out with someone who was just so easy to hurt? They left me with a weakened confidence in myself.
Thankfully, I had people help me get through it. In fact, many of the people in that fourth grade class who would taunt me then ended up maturing themselves so that, by time the eighth grade rolled around, I didn't have the same sense of self-anxiety I did after episodes such as the one described above. However, while they had changed, I remained guarded... that was the result of their words. I would then go onto high school, grow into confidence. Then college came, I met Kathleen and the rest is history.
They say "They're just words". And while, simplistically they are right, they are so much more than "just words". To some, they are a grenade, fragmenting in one's psyche and leaving nothing there. To others, they act as a calling to lash out. Look at the school shootings at Columbine, for example. While those guys were messed in the heads, I'm sure the harassment they received did nothing to help matters.
They say "Boys will be boys". I see that as nothing more than a cop-out used when figures of authority don't want to dish out the discipline that would be seen outside the confines of the school walls. It's especially popular to fall back on after the fact, when the time comes to explain why action wasn't taken. Boys will be boys... but there are limits to that.
They say "Kids can be so cruel". And, with a sympathetic heart, they pretend it makes a difference. Perhaps its the eternal optimist in me, but I believe kids do not start out cruel. I do believe that their actions are the result of their own environment, their upbringing. I was a kid. I was a boy. And I never bullied anyone. I was taught by my parents to have respect for everyone around me, earned or not. It was just so unfortunate that the same respect did not always travel both ways.
They say "Just get over it". Easier said than done. Asking someone who was bullied to "just get over it" is akin to asking someone who found their spouse had an affair to "just get over it". As much as we want to... and believe me, back when it happened there was nothing I wanted more than to be able to "get over it"... it's just not that simple.
I am one of the lucky ones. I'm not exactly sure how it happened, but somehow, between fourth grade and today, I managed to
fight my own way through the effects of the bully's attacks. I'm sure that my grade nine year in high school, and being able to go through that without dealing with the stereotypical "niner" tag, helped. Somewhere along the way, I was able to shed the stigma of the bullying I suffered and came into my own, able to stand proud as my own person. And, while I'm happy with who I am today, I still look back at those days with great reservations.
Part of the reason why I'm glad I am where I am today is because where I am today is not back there.
November 16-20 is Anti-Bullying Week. And, as much as I wish we could all stand up and take firm action against bullying, I sadly think it will always exist. The best we can do is help those that are victimized by bullying, help them so that their stories don't end in tragedy. If they do, then society is worse off because of it.
What can YOU do to combat bullying?
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